I Have Never Been Like This Before

While serving in the Chile Osorno Mission, I learned a lot about life, the world, the gospel, and myself.  I wrote this poem while I was serving as a missionary, in attempt to share my experiences and shed a little light about how the mission has changed my life.  

Just thought I would share that with you all :)

I HAVE NEVER BEEN LIKE THIS BEFORE

by Rachel Kitto

Chile Osorno Mission

I’ve never known the Fathers Plan, the way that I do now.

I’ve never seen so many smiles take the place of so many frowns.

I’ve never felt so protected by guardian angles from above,

I’ve never met so many so many strangers, and yet been filled with so much love.

I’ve never felt so inadequate, called to walk in the Savior’s shoes.

I’ve never been so very careful in everything I say and choose.

I’ve never been quite this exhausted, in all my days before.

I’ve never felt a greater joy, than when one desires to learn more.

I’ve never received so many letters, from loved ones of all ages,

I’ve never spent so many hours trying to speak this foreign language.

I’ve never been treated with so much kindness, or have been given so many hugs,

I’ve never been so red and swollen, as I have never been bit by so many bugs.

I’ve never learned a greater lesson in such a short amount of time.

I’ve never strived so hard before to do ‘’Thy will, not mine.’’

I’ve never said so many prayers, my knees now black and blue,

I’ve never had a deeper knowledge, that this great Church is true.

I’ve never felt so utterly rejected, then when the doors slammed in my face,

I’ve never loved my Savior more, or have been more grateful for His saving grace.

I’ve never had a clearer purpose, as a servant in God’s Kingdom,

I’ve never felt this close to Heaven, as I bring my brothers eternal freedom.

I’ve never felt so at home, in a land so far away,

I’ve never been quite this heartbroken, knowing that I cannot stay.

I’ve never known my inner strength, I feel like I could soar!

I’ve never been just quite like this, no; I’ve never been like this before.

Look Who's Back Again!

Where do I even begin?!?!

...........I'M HOOOOOOME!!!!

Wow....how do I make up for 21 months of not blogging!?  Which stories do I share first?!   Which pictures do I post?!  Should I start from the beginning, or start from where I am now and occasionally throw in a story from the past?  

It's kind of overwhelming....which is probably the reason why I have postponed this for the last 2 months that I have been home!  haha

Life is AMAZING.  I am HAPPY!! :)  

Coming home from my LDS mission (Osorno, Chile) was a lot harder than I truly had ever thought it would be.  I thought I would be the girl who would go home and just have her life in place!  I thought I would feel happy 24/7 and continue on living on the same spiritual high and excel in life.  Well....when I got home, my eyes were opened to my new reality.  Real life.  I had been so protected from all of the worldliness of the world for the past 18 months, and lived in peace and purity.  

The first week I was home my mom and sisters took me on a girls trip to the Shakespearean Festival to see Les Miserable.  

I was so excited!!  But as I sat in that dark theater, I was exposed to crude dancing, immodest dresses, and profane lyrics.....I was SO UNCOMFORTABLE.  I just started to BAWL!!  hahaha I didn't know what to do!!!  I closed my eyes and just started to pray.  I thanked my Father in Heaven for His love and for showing me what it was like to live A PART from the world. 

I felt out of place being home.  I felt like I lost my identity.  People would ask me about my plans for the future and about my ''experiences'' as a missionary....and I just didn't know how to respond.  I was a full-time representative for the SAVIOR, Jesus Christ, and now all of the sudden I am representing....myself.  There is no comparison there!  I felt so insignificant.  I became shy. I didn't know how to share those precious moments from my mission that were so sacred to me....and had changed my life forever.   I could not let myself enjoy watching a movie, or listening to the radio.  All I could think about were all of the different ways Satan was trying to confuse us or sell us on his ideas that would drag us down.  

The ONLY place where I felt truly safe, and at home, was at the TEMPLE. 

 There were no temptations, no distractions, no confusion, no crude language or actions, and no worldliness whatsoever.  I felt peace.  I felt joy.  I felt the pure love of my Heavenly Father.  I felt needed as I gave my time to the work of the Lord.  I felt appreciated for the work I was doing.  I felt happy.

Its now been 2 months, and I continue to go to the Temple every week.  It is the only thing that brings me true happiness and meaning.  It is my second mission.  I know that I have been sent to earth to WORK, to BUILD the Kingdom of God.  In fact, everyone on this earth has been sent with that mission!!  We are children of GOD.  He loves us all so much and wants us to return to live in His presence.  I know that by going to the Temple, I become closer to my Savior, and my Father in Heaven, and I am given the opportunity to help my brothers and sisters come closer to Them as well.

I am grateful for the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ.  I know that God lives and that He has blessed us with a Prophet in these latter-days to guide us and direct us, just like He did in the past.  He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  He loves us more than we can comprehend.  He wants us to come unto Him, to follow His Son, Jesus Christ, and to become like Him.  We do that by learning His teachings, living them, and helping others to do the same.  This life is beautiful.  But it is not paradise.  It is our TEST.  It is our time to WORK.  It's no the time to live our dreams and get everything we have always wanted.  That time will come, along with NEVER-ENDING HAPPINESS.  But now is not the time.  Let us remember who we are and what we have been called here to do.  Let us save our brothers and sisters by sharing with them the truths of the Restored Gospel, and going to the temple.  

There is no greater joy than when you know you are working WITH the Lord, to do His work, and to bless His children.  :) :)

Finally :)

It finally happened!!!

 < before

              
 
        after >

Everyone warned me that my teeth were going to feel "slimy and huge" ....boy I couldn't wait!!

I got to the Orthodontist with tear filled eyes...literally...

In no time at all the brackets were off and my teeth felt suuuuuuper slimy...yet rough as a scuffed up sidewalk!

They smoothed off the glue, and my tongue was instantly addicted to its new best friends!

The first thing I wanted to do was FLOSS!! It used to take me a good 10 minutes to feed the floss between the wires and then repeat that process over and over.  I was amazed when I finished a good flossing in less than a minute!  Oh the simple joys in life!

The first glance at my new smile was a bit awkward

"I look just like my brother." 

I felt timidly-naked as I smiled in the mirror...It was a bitter-sweet feeling...(I can't tell which one is the bitter and which one was the sweet...timid and naked?? hahaha)

It was strange looking in the mirror...like I was spying on a strangers mouth...or at least my brothers...??

But soon it began to grow on me! At every stop light on the way home I had to check on them in the rear-view mirror...I don't know what I was looking for....just...checking them.

By the time I got home my smile was ear to ear and I couldn't hide my new smile even if I wanted to! 

My teeth were actually straight!! A sight I haven't seen in a very long time! 

What a neat experience to re-due a biggest regret (losing my retainer when I was 16 and never doing anything about it...) Never again!! I learned my lesson!!  This is my forever smile!!! ...And I am definitely ok with that! :)

Spending time with Sisters

This month I have spent more time with my sisters than I have in my entire life!!! 

...ok...so that might be very far from the actual truth...but it has sure felt that way!

We LOVE spending time together!!  There is no one that compares to their...uniqueness...hahahahaha

They are AMAZING!!! I look up to them in EVERY way and hope someday I can be just like them. :)

we party hard.

hahahha Welcome to my life! :)

sexy staches ;)

Good friends + Nickle City + tons of tickets = Sexy Staches :)

Disciplined

I did not get around to transferring my photo's off this blog and onto my new one....meaning...I still don't have enough room to post new pictures.  That kinda sucks some fun out of blogging.  I love pictures so much!  They just bring life....to life! hahaha So, I'm sorry you have to read another picture-less post from me!  Hopefully I can get around to it tomorrow! :)  (I am trying to post more regularly...seeing as I wont be able to post for 18 months, starting in 33 days!!!)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On the first Sunday of every month I always take it as a great opportunity for me to give up something, or to try to gain a new habit, and really focus my efforts on something that will bring me closer to Christ.  This month I am working on DISCIPLINE.

I am soon going to be living a VERY structured life.  Wake up at 6:30...always, exercise for 30 minutes, hours of studying, teaching, preaching, serving, and in bed by 10:30... consistently, for a year and a half.  I always picture myself 19 months from now and try to think of the woman I am going to be.  It excites me sooooo much!  I am excited to gain these habits!  I am excited for my growth!  I am excited to be that much closer to reaching my potential!

After making a quite lengthy list of the woman I desire to be by the end of my mission...I got to thinking: "Rachel, why wait?  Be her now."  I looked back over my list and realized that I did not need to serve a mission to be this person!  I felt inspired to make a few adjustments in my daily schedule.  I felt inspired to be DISCIPLINED.

The first habit I need and truly want, is to be an early riser.  I want to be the girl that gets up every day at 6:30, opens her eyes with a burst of energy, pops out of bed, makes the bed immediately, (I have been doing pretty good at that one!)  pops on her cute 80's workout video (that I LOVE), and then completes most of the days to-do's before 10! :)  (In Preach My Gospel it states that the most important hours of the day are 6:30 am -10:00 am....and what you do in that time will greatly effect your success as a missionary...but I also think it applies to everyone! Something to think about!) 

Well in order for me to keep up this habit, I have to master another....go to bed by 10:30 each night....or in my case, 10:00.  Let me tell ya, it has been AMAZING!!!!  I know everyone's lives are different, so it might not work out for you to get to bed this early...but it is the best thing I have ever done!  This week has been productive and successful!!  Although when 6:30am roles around, I still feel all sorts of sleepy.  I am hoping that it is just something that my body needs to get used to and that one day I wont feel tired anymore! :)

This life is all about self-mastery (control or restraint of oneself or one's actions, feelings...).  No one can change us, live life for us, or make us become a certain way.  We choose our lives.  We choose how to live them.  I hope that as I focus on becoming more disciplined, I will be able to overcome many weaknesses in my life.  What an exciting thought! :)

Here's to a month of DISCIPLINE!

the UGLY truth.

no not the movie....
my face.
particularly my EYELIDS.
they are driving me nuts!

...I think I am allergic to my eye shadow...

it is pretty old...so it makes sense...but still!

how does that even happen?

well one day I decide to use a shade in the pallet that I haven't used before.
to my surprise, I LOVED it!
...the next day I woke up and my eyelids had blown up to the size of "slugs"...(thank you Kristie)
(this was the UGLY truth.)

I had washed my make-up off that night...just like I do every night...
I thought it might be an eye infection...I was getting sick, so I thought this was just another symptom.
I thought it might be eczema. (dry, itchy, cracking skin...sounded about right.)
I did not think it was an allergic reaction.

so I decided to test it out.
I wore no eye shadow for a week. (but the irritation caused my eyelids to be permanently pink!)
low and behold...my symptoms went away!
my eyes were healing (with the help of tons and tons of lotion!)

so yesterday, in all of my brilliance, I decided to try that same shade of eye shadow again,
just to really  see if it was, in fact, the cause of my eyelid disformaty!
 ...about half-way through my night (playing chess up the canyon with Justin)
my eyelids started burning....itching...and felt crusty....oh no!
I came home, took off my make up and quickly applied my healing lotion before going to bed.

this morning I woke up, and with difficulty, opened my eyes.
as I looked in the mirror...there in their rightful place...were the two slugs...right where my eyelids were supposed to be.

never again. 

here's to another week of healing.
don't worry...I think I learned my lesson last time...
my trashcan is now the happy home to that awful (but so freaking cute) shade of eyeshadow.

to you readers, today you can count your blessings:
*"I have healthy, non-crusty-itchy-burning-permanently pink-eyelids. Oh how I am blessed!"

hope you have a great weekend!!!

Gods Plan for Me

I have always loved to be in charge.

I love feeling necessary, intelligent, creative, fun, and important.

I have always known that I am not the only one who is in charge of my life. 

I began my relationship with my Father in Heaven long before I can even remember.  If I counted how many times I said silent prayers to Him on a daily basis....it would definitely beat out anyone's amount of texts or phone calls for the day. 

I am sure many people feel this way...but I hate making mistakes.  I hate doing things wrong.  I have always wanted to live a perfect life.   (I remember growing up I would always pretend that I was perfect.  I tried to show that I was *always happy.  Nothing was *ever wrong.  But since growing up, I know that having emotions other than happiness is not wrong.  It's OK to let people know that you are struggling, having a hard day, or that you are discouraged.  That is normal.  In fact, it is healthy to be real with your emotions!  That little fact has done more for me than anyone can imagine!)

But back to "being in charge," and wanting to be "perfect."  I am a very couscous, and careful planner. I want to make sure that my decisions are correct, and that they are the *best (good, better, best) thing for me to do. 

I decided that having two jobs during these months while I prepare to serve a mission would be the best thing for me to do.  It would keep me busy and allow the time to pass quicker.  I could have a fun social life and make lots more friends.  I would have enough money to pay off my braces.  But the biggest reason I was working two jobs was so that I could pay as much as possible for my mission.

I was blessed with 2 amazing jobs that I loved.  I looked forward to going to work everyday.  I loved the people I worked with.  I loved the difference I was making.  But my body began to tell me otherwise... 

My daily schedule looked just like this:

*6:30-7:00, Wake up, get ready.

*8:00, Out the door, be at work by 8:30.

*8:30-4:00, Work at the Elementary School

*4:15-5:15, Come home, make myself dinner, get ready for work.

*5:30, Out the door, be at work by 5:45.

*5:45-10:30, Work at second job.

*11:00-12:00, Come home, short work out, get ready for bed, read scriptures, write in journal, say prayers, get in bed.

I don't know if you noticed how often I was home, compared to how often I was gone.  I had ONE HOUR to myself everyday...and even then I was always rushing to get things done.  This began to be very draining.  I wanted to sit down and really read a book.  I wanted to have dinner with my family.  I wanted to go to the temple.  I wanted to see my friends.  I began to do the bare minimum so that I could save my energy for the next day.  I was sick and tired of it.  My body got sick, and I began to panic.

My loving parents scheduled an interview with my Bishop.  I wasn't sure what it was for exactly, but we all got in the car and went to his office.  We started talking about missionary stuff.  All of the sudden my dad tells Bishop about my schedule...and I unexpectedly broke into tears.  He told him how I had mono a few years ago and was scared that if I kept working myself to death, that my body wouldn't be able to handle it and get sick again. 

My amazing Bishop looked me in the eyes and told me that I needed to cut back.  Being busy and working all day was not the answer.  He didn't want me to burn out before I even got to the MTC.  He strongly advised me to work only one job, spend time with my family, go to the temple, study the scriptures, and spend time with friends. The money would come. I am in the Lords hands.

I went home and immediately emailed my wonderful boss and explained the situation.  She lovingly responded and told me she understood and that all is well.  A huge burden was lifted from my shoulders.  I felt like I could breathe for the first time in months.  Not only breathe...but I wanted to dance!!!  I was soooo happy!!!!  I was amazed at how happy I was!!! (We even went out for a celebratory dinner!! haha)

Here was a prime example of my plan failing, and Gods plan being a blessing from on high.  I thought I was dong the right thing....as hard as it was.  I thought it would be selfish of me to quit my second job.  I was doing what I thought was best.  But I was so wrong.  I was too busy.  The Lord needed me.

I still have no idea how I am going to make ends meet, but I am not afraid.  When God asks us to do something, He always provides a way for it to be done (1 Nephi 3:7).  

5 weeks and 6 days until I leave for the Missionary Training Center.  I couldn't be more excited.  I have no fear.  How could I?  I know the Lord is with me and is CLEARLY watching out for me.  I know He has a plan for my life...and  it is far better than my own.

the reality of today.

I am sitting with my 6th graders today, when my stomach loudly reminds me that I didn't feed her this morning.  I told her to hang in there till lunch....

Lunch time finally came!  I quickly got back to my desk, opened my storage cabinet...intending to find my lovely home-packed lunch.  But the reality of my mistake made my tummy growl.  I LEFT IT AT HOME!!!

What's a girl to do?

A. Eat the skittles you bought for your students in the after-school program.

B. Eat the microwave popcorn that's in the cupboard. 

C. Eat the last Krispy Kreme doughnut in the box on the faculty table.

D. All of the above.

To my dismay....I selected D.

hahaha Oh my goodness.  Has anyone has a sugar headache before??  Skittles, popcorn (movie theater butter style), and a warm glazed doughnut for my lunch....Yes, I am training to be the next contestant on the Biggest Loser.  Feel free to tune in next season! ;)

I think my stomach was more angry with me after I ate, than she would have been if I would have let her starve for a few more hours.  Lesson learned!!

P.S. Don't worry....I saved some skittles for my after-school students. :) haha

January has been

a BEAUTIFUL month.

Each sunset has been so VIBRANT.

Each gathering has been so CHEERFUL.

Even being sick was somewhat PLEASANT.

 

 { I was able to catch up on my favorite shows: The Bachelor and The Biggest Loser...while eating lots of Lime Sherbet...that felt good on my poor sore throat! }

My birthday trip to Las Vegas was exceptionally INVIGORATING.

 

{ hahaha typical Kitto Family vacation :) hahaha }

What a month, huh?

I am so excited for FEBRUARY!!!

*Closer to when I leave for my mission

*Matt and Jonathan come home from their missions

*Get my braces off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*....nothing I think of can't even compare to the joy I feel towards getting my braces off!!!

2011...best year of my life!