Gods Plan for Me

I have always loved to be in charge.

I love feeling necessary, intelligent, creative, fun, and important.

I have always known that I am not the only one who is in charge of my life. 

I began my relationship with my Father in Heaven long before I can even remember.  If I counted how many times I said silent prayers to Him on a daily basis....it would definitely beat out anyone's amount of texts or phone calls for the day. 

I am sure many people feel this way...but I hate making mistakes.  I hate doing things wrong.  I have always wanted to live a perfect life.   (I remember growing up I would always pretend that I was perfect.  I tried to show that I was *always happy.  Nothing was *ever wrong.  But since growing up, I know that having emotions other than happiness is not wrong.  It's OK to let people know that you are struggling, having a hard day, or that you are discouraged.  That is normal.  In fact, it is healthy to be real with your emotions!  That little fact has done more for me than anyone can imagine!)

But back to "being in charge," and wanting to be "perfect."  I am a very couscous, and careful planner. I want to make sure that my decisions are correct, and that they are the *best (good, better, best) thing for me to do. 

I decided that having two jobs during these months while I prepare to serve a mission would be the best thing for me to do.  It would keep me busy and allow the time to pass quicker.  I could have a fun social life and make lots more friends.  I would have enough money to pay off my braces.  But the biggest reason I was working two jobs was so that I could pay as much as possible for my mission.

I was blessed with 2 amazing jobs that I loved.  I looked forward to going to work everyday.  I loved the people I worked with.  I loved the difference I was making.  But my body began to tell me otherwise... 

My daily schedule looked just like this:

*6:30-7:00, Wake up, get ready.

*8:00, Out the door, be at work by 8:30.

*8:30-4:00, Work at the Elementary School

*4:15-5:15, Come home, make myself dinner, get ready for work.

*5:30, Out the door, be at work by 5:45.

*5:45-10:30, Work at second job.

*11:00-12:00, Come home, short work out, get ready for bed, read scriptures, write in journal, say prayers, get in bed.

I don't know if you noticed how often I was home, compared to how often I was gone.  I had ONE HOUR to myself everyday...and even then I was always rushing to get things done.  This began to be very draining.  I wanted to sit down and really read a book.  I wanted to have dinner with my family.  I wanted to go to the temple.  I wanted to see my friends.  I began to do the bare minimum so that I could save my energy for the next day.  I was sick and tired of it.  My body got sick, and I began to panic.

My loving parents scheduled an interview with my Bishop.  I wasn't sure what it was for exactly, but we all got in the car and went to his office.  We started talking about missionary stuff.  All of the sudden my dad tells Bishop about my schedule...and I unexpectedly broke into tears.  He told him how I had mono a few years ago and was scared that if I kept working myself to death, that my body wouldn't be able to handle it and get sick again. 

My amazing Bishop looked me in the eyes and told me that I needed to cut back.  Being busy and working all day was not the answer.  He didn't want me to burn out before I even got to the MTC.  He strongly advised me to work only one job, spend time with my family, go to the temple, study the scriptures, and spend time with friends. The money would come. I am in the Lords hands.

I went home and immediately emailed my wonderful boss and explained the situation.  She lovingly responded and told me she understood and that all is well.  A huge burden was lifted from my shoulders.  I felt like I could breathe for the first time in months.  Not only breathe...but I wanted to dance!!!  I was soooo happy!!!!  I was amazed at how happy I was!!! (We even went out for a celebratory dinner!! haha)

Here was a prime example of my plan failing, and Gods plan being a blessing from on high.  I thought I was dong the right thing....as hard as it was.  I thought it would be selfish of me to quit my second job.  I was doing what I thought was best.  But I was so wrong.  I was too busy.  The Lord needed me.

I still have no idea how I am going to make ends meet, but I am not afraid.  When God asks us to do something, He always provides a way for it to be done (1 Nephi 3:7).  

5 weeks and 6 days until I leave for the Missionary Training Center.  I couldn't be more excited.  I have no fear.  How could I?  I know the Lord is with me and is CLEARLY watching out for me.  I know He has a plan for my life...and  it is far better than my own.