I Have Never Been Like This Before

While serving in the Chile Osorno Mission, I learned a lot about life, the world, the gospel, and myself.  I wrote this poem while I was serving as a missionary, in attempt to share my experiences and shed a little light about how the mission has changed my life.  

Just thought I would share that with you all :)

I HAVE NEVER BEEN LIKE THIS BEFORE

by Rachel Kitto

Chile Osorno Mission

I’ve never known the Fathers Plan, the way that I do now.

I’ve never seen so many smiles take the place of so many frowns.

I’ve never felt so protected by guardian angles from above,

I’ve never met so many so many strangers, and yet been filled with so much love.

I’ve never felt so inadequate, called to walk in the Savior’s shoes.

I’ve never been so very careful in everything I say and choose.

I’ve never been quite this exhausted, in all my days before.

I’ve never felt a greater joy, than when one desires to learn more.

I’ve never received so many letters, from loved ones of all ages,

I’ve never spent so many hours trying to speak this foreign language.

I’ve never been treated with so much kindness, or have been given so many hugs,

I’ve never been so red and swollen, as I have never been bit by so many bugs.

I’ve never learned a greater lesson in such a short amount of time.

I’ve never strived so hard before to do ‘’Thy will, not mine.’’

I’ve never said so many prayers, my knees now black and blue,

I’ve never had a deeper knowledge, that this great Church is true.

I’ve never felt so utterly rejected, then when the doors slammed in my face,

I’ve never loved my Savior more, or have been more grateful for His saving grace.

I’ve never had a clearer purpose, as a servant in God’s Kingdom,

I’ve never felt this close to Heaven, as I bring my brothers eternal freedom.

I’ve never felt so at home, in a land so far away,

I’ve never been quite this heartbroken, knowing that I cannot stay.

I’ve never known my inner strength, I feel like I could soar!

I’ve never been just quite like this, no; I’ve never been like this before.

Look Who's Back Again!

Where do I even begin?!?!

...........I'M HOOOOOOME!!!!

Wow....how do I make up for 21 months of not blogging!?  Which stories do I share first?!   Which pictures do I post?!  Should I start from the beginning, or start from where I am now and occasionally throw in a story from the past?  

It's kind of overwhelming....which is probably the reason why I have postponed this for the last 2 months that I have been home!  haha

Life is AMAZING.  I am HAPPY!! :)  

Coming home from my LDS mission (Osorno, Chile) was a lot harder than I truly had ever thought it would be.  I thought I would be the girl who would go home and just have her life in place!  I thought I would feel happy 24/7 and continue on living on the same spiritual high and excel in life.  Well....when I got home, my eyes were opened to my new reality.  Real life.  I had been so protected from all of the worldliness of the world for the past 18 months, and lived in peace and purity.  

The first week I was home my mom and sisters took me on a girls trip to the Shakespearean Festival to see Les Miserable.  

I was so excited!!  But as I sat in that dark theater, I was exposed to crude dancing, immodest dresses, and profane lyrics.....I was SO UNCOMFORTABLE.  I just started to BAWL!!  hahaha I didn't know what to do!!!  I closed my eyes and just started to pray.  I thanked my Father in Heaven for His love and for showing me what it was like to live A PART from the world. 

I felt out of place being home.  I felt like I lost my identity.  People would ask me about my plans for the future and about my ''experiences'' as a missionary....and I just didn't know how to respond.  I was a full-time representative for the SAVIOR, Jesus Christ, and now all of the sudden I am representing....myself.  There is no comparison there!  I felt so insignificant.  I became shy. I didn't know how to share those precious moments from my mission that were so sacred to me....and had changed my life forever.   I could not let myself enjoy watching a movie, or listening to the radio.  All I could think about were all of the different ways Satan was trying to confuse us or sell us on his ideas that would drag us down.  

The ONLY place where I felt truly safe, and at home, was at the TEMPLE. 

 There were no temptations, no distractions, no confusion, no crude language or actions, and no worldliness whatsoever.  I felt peace.  I felt joy.  I felt the pure love of my Heavenly Father.  I felt needed as I gave my time to the work of the Lord.  I felt appreciated for the work I was doing.  I felt happy.

Its now been 2 months, and I continue to go to the Temple every week.  It is the only thing that brings me true happiness and meaning.  It is my second mission.  I know that I have been sent to earth to WORK, to BUILD the Kingdom of God.  In fact, everyone on this earth has been sent with that mission!!  We are children of GOD.  He loves us all so much and wants us to return to live in His presence.  I know that by going to the Temple, I become closer to my Savior, and my Father in Heaven, and I am given the opportunity to help my brothers and sisters come closer to Them as well.

I am grateful for the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ.  I know that God lives and that He has blessed us with a Prophet in these latter-days to guide us and direct us, just like He did in the past.  He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  He loves us more than we can comprehend.  He wants us to come unto Him, to follow His Son, Jesus Christ, and to become like Him.  We do that by learning His teachings, living them, and helping others to do the same.  This life is beautiful.  But it is not paradise.  It is our TEST.  It is our time to WORK.  It's no the time to live our dreams and get everything we have always wanted.  That time will come, along with NEVER-ENDING HAPPINESS.  But now is not the time.  Let us remember who we are and what we have been called here to do.  Let us save our brothers and sisters by sharing with them the truths of the Restored Gospel, and going to the temple.  

There is no greater joy than when you know you are working WITH the Lord, to do His work, and to bless His children.  :) :)

Gods Plan for Me

I have always loved to be in charge.

I love feeling necessary, intelligent, creative, fun, and important.

I have always known that I am not the only one who is in charge of my life. 

I began my relationship with my Father in Heaven long before I can even remember.  If I counted how many times I said silent prayers to Him on a daily basis....it would definitely beat out anyone's amount of texts or phone calls for the day. 

I am sure many people feel this way...but I hate making mistakes.  I hate doing things wrong.  I have always wanted to live a perfect life.   (I remember growing up I would always pretend that I was perfect.  I tried to show that I was *always happy.  Nothing was *ever wrong.  But since growing up, I know that having emotions other than happiness is not wrong.  It's OK to let people know that you are struggling, having a hard day, or that you are discouraged.  That is normal.  In fact, it is healthy to be real with your emotions!  That little fact has done more for me than anyone can imagine!)

But back to "being in charge," and wanting to be "perfect."  I am a very couscous, and careful planner. I want to make sure that my decisions are correct, and that they are the *best (good, better, best) thing for me to do. 

I decided that having two jobs during these months while I prepare to serve a mission would be the best thing for me to do.  It would keep me busy and allow the time to pass quicker.  I could have a fun social life and make lots more friends.  I would have enough money to pay off my braces.  But the biggest reason I was working two jobs was so that I could pay as much as possible for my mission.

I was blessed with 2 amazing jobs that I loved.  I looked forward to going to work everyday.  I loved the people I worked with.  I loved the difference I was making.  But my body began to tell me otherwise... 

My daily schedule looked just like this:

*6:30-7:00, Wake up, get ready.

*8:00, Out the door, be at work by 8:30.

*8:30-4:00, Work at the Elementary School

*4:15-5:15, Come home, make myself dinner, get ready for work.

*5:30, Out the door, be at work by 5:45.

*5:45-10:30, Work at second job.

*11:00-12:00, Come home, short work out, get ready for bed, read scriptures, write in journal, say prayers, get in bed.

I don't know if you noticed how often I was home, compared to how often I was gone.  I had ONE HOUR to myself everyday...and even then I was always rushing to get things done.  This began to be very draining.  I wanted to sit down and really read a book.  I wanted to have dinner with my family.  I wanted to go to the temple.  I wanted to see my friends.  I began to do the bare minimum so that I could save my energy for the next day.  I was sick and tired of it.  My body got sick, and I began to panic.

My loving parents scheduled an interview with my Bishop.  I wasn't sure what it was for exactly, but we all got in the car and went to his office.  We started talking about missionary stuff.  All of the sudden my dad tells Bishop about my schedule...and I unexpectedly broke into tears.  He told him how I had mono a few years ago and was scared that if I kept working myself to death, that my body wouldn't be able to handle it and get sick again. 

My amazing Bishop looked me in the eyes and told me that I needed to cut back.  Being busy and working all day was not the answer.  He didn't want me to burn out before I even got to the MTC.  He strongly advised me to work only one job, spend time with my family, go to the temple, study the scriptures, and spend time with friends. The money would come. I am in the Lords hands.

I went home and immediately emailed my wonderful boss and explained the situation.  She lovingly responded and told me she understood and that all is well.  A huge burden was lifted from my shoulders.  I felt like I could breathe for the first time in months.  Not only breathe...but I wanted to dance!!!  I was soooo happy!!!!  I was amazed at how happy I was!!! (We even went out for a celebratory dinner!! haha)

Here was a prime example of my plan failing, and Gods plan being a blessing from on high.  I thought I was dong the right thing....as hard as it was.  I thought it would be selfish of me to quit my second job.  I was doing what I thought was best.  But I was so wrong.  I was too busy.  The Lord needed me.

I still have no idea how I am going to make ends meet, but I am not afraid.  When God asks us to do something, He always provides a way for it to be done (1 Nephi 3:7).  

5 weeks and 6 days until I leave for the Missionary Training Center.  I couldn't be more excited.  I have no fear.  How could I?  I know the Lord is with me and is CLEARLY watching out for me.  I know He has a plan for my life...and  it is far better than my own.

Life is Beautiful

This last week I celebrated my 21st birthday!!!  

I LOVE GROWING UP!!!!!

(no really....I do!)

I love getting older! 

I've never liked being considered as one of the "young ones"

I always dream of of the next stage of my life,

and look forward to it, longingly!

So far being 21 has been amazing! :) hahaha

Most people don't feel any different on their birthdays.

its just another ordinary day, but with birthday cake and candles...

Well not me!  I feel like I am finally here!

I am amazed at my life, and so happy to see where it has brought me.

I have a wonderful family who loves me! We have such a strong love 

for one another. We are truly best friends!! They are the most amazing

people I have ever known and I am so blessed to be a part of something that great!

My parents are still love birds and it brings joy to my heart!

I have incredible friends who love me and accept me for who I am.

They have been great examples to me throughout my life, and I am so

lucky to call them my friends!

I have experienced some of the most incredible opportunities people only dream to have!

(literally...)

Above all, I have finally discovered my true self.

I have become the person I have always wanted to be.

I know my Father in Heaven lives.  I KNOW it!!

I know that I am His daughter, and that I have the potential to actually be like Him!

(Isn't that amazing?!?)

I know my purpose here on earth.  

I know that I have been given agency to choose for myself what kind of life I am going to live. 

I know that through the Atonement I am able to reach my potential, and be forgiven of my sins.

I don't know where I would be if I didn't know these truths.  

...but I am pretty sure I'd be searching for them.

How lucky am I to be able to serve a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints?  That is huge!  I am not only a representative of the Church...but a representative of Jesus Christ.  What a calling, huh?  I really hope I can make Him proud, and give my absolute all to the work.  At first I was pretty scared about the task ahead of me.  But that feeling is long gone.  I have no fear.  Even if I try to think of things that would scare me...it doesn't work.  I am at complete peace about my decision, because I know this is what the Lord wants me to do.  There is no greater feeling then when you feel like you are following the promptings of the spirit and fulfilling the Lord's Plan for you.

I have never been happier.

I could bet all the money in the world that I am the happiest girl here on Earth...

Life is beautiful. 

Neat Experience

I had forgotten this experience until a dear friend of mine reminded me!

A few years back (2006) I was watching a segment on TV
during the half time in between General Conference sessions.

It was a special on South America and its people.

I remember sitting there by myself, glued to the TV...

My heart ached for these people.

All of the sudden, I was overcome with the Spirit,
and I felt that I was supposed to serve these people!

I knew right then that if I was called on a mission-
that's were I would serve. (South America)
.............................................................................................

It's amazing to see that personal revelation come to pass!
Again, I am overwhelmed with the Sprirt,
knowing that I have been called to teach the gospel
to these people whom I already love!
...Just like I was told that I would!

:)

Called to Serve

I know this update is a little late.  For some reason, I have been hesitant to write it.  The reality of it all has still been sinking in, and I wanted to make sure I was in full awareness before posting about it. :)

On Wednesday, November 10, 2010

 I was sitting in my English class when I got a text from my dad saying: "It's here!!!"

My heart stopped...."My call is here?!?!  I only turned my mission papers in 10 days ago!!!!" 

 { I was not expecting it this soon! }

But ready or not, a letter containing life-changing information was waiting for me at home.

I wanted my family and close friends to be there with me when I opened it....which meant I had to wait until 8:30pm to open it!  Usually people hate waiting.  They want to know, and they want to know NOW. 

That wasn't the case for me.  I was not ready to open it.  I was scared out of my mind!! hahaha

I literally thought that I was about to go into cardiac arrest!

I felt sick to my stomach (due to nerves)
and was afraid that when I opened my mouth to read my call,
throw up would come out instead of actual words.

{ I tell ya...I was all sorts of nervous! }

I can't put into words what it felt like to be in that position; to find out where I would be living for the next year and a half of my life.
Not only that...but really acknowledging what it was that I "signed up" for.

I would leave everything: my family, my friends, my education, my job, my home, my bed, most of my clothes and material posessions...everything!  It's not like I am just picking up and moving somewhere new...

I am leaving everything I have ever known.

It is an intense feeling.

But what I would be getting in return has no price-tag.  It is invaluable.  This is the first time in my life where I have the opportunity to fully consecrate my life to the Lord. To give him ALL that I have.

To give ALL of me. 

Ok, so finally everyone arrived!  All 30 of us crammed into my tiny living room.  Smiles were on everyone's faces.  You could feel the excitement! { I could feel the love of my family and friends, and that was so overwhelming in and of itself! That meant more to me than they will ever know! }

We began with prayer...and then...it was time.

I slowly opened the envelope, and pulled out the contents within.

Quickly my eyes caught the name of a forgein country!

My heart leaped!!

No one knew except me...

{ I may or may not have done a small victory dance at this point }

I began to read aloud the letter:

"Dear Sister Kitto,

You are hereby called to serve as a missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

You are assigned to labor in the Chile Osorno Mission..."

An erruption of cheers and applause broke out! haha I think I even heard some "Arrriba!'s" hahaha

It was a struggle to finish the letter, as I was overcome with the spirit and many emotions.

Tearfully, I got through it all.

{  I am to report to the Provo MTC on March 16, 2011.  }

I you are like me, you are thinking: "Chile=WARM!!! Yay!!!!"

Well...unfortunately, this is not the case!

hahaha

You see, the Chile Osorno Mission is the most southern mission in the world...

AKA

We are the closest to ANTARCTICA!!!! (So keep me in your prayers!)

Yes, I will be preaching to the penguins!! ;)

There seasons are opposite of ours here in America! I will have warm Christmas' and freezing 4th of July's!

I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am to serve a mission! I am so excited to be Hermana Kitto :)

I am excited to speak Spanish!!! I am so excited to serve the people in Chile and to bring them the blessing of true gospel! This is the beginning.  I hope and pray that the Lord will take my inadequacies, and make me equal to all He has called me to do.  I hope to continue to prepare myself in every way to be a worthy and able missionary of the Lord.

"Come what may, and love it."

Shout out to the winners who guessed correctly:
*Shea Terry
*Jana Boschetti
*Anthony Holst
*Rachel Lanham Kitto
*Tuare Garrido
:)

...waiting

As you may know...I have decided to go on a mission!!!

{ The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints }

I am THRILLED about this decision! 

:)

My papers are IN...

My schedule is CLEARED...

.....

now all I've gotta do is...

WAIT.

...and then I will know WHERE I am going...

only to wait some more before I can actually GO!

.....

{ In the mean time }

I am keeping myself busy by:

*Kicking butt in school, and managing to get A's!!

*Keeping in touch with my creative side, and doing many fun artsy projects!

*Spending hours and hours with my wonderful friends!

*Spending many more hours laughing and talking with my family!

*And...as always...dreaming about my life and getting excited about the things to come!

Waiting isn't as bad as it seems...

soon enough, the wait will be over!

I want to fill this wait time with TONS of fun memories and experiences to look back on.

What good would all this time be if I just waisted it doing nothing but

...

waiting?

{ Early mission pictures...will take more once these braces come off!! }